Residency Reflection

(This was written in May 2022)

It's been almost four years since I've been with Vivian. The entire time she has been in her med-peds (Internal Medicine-Pediatrics) residency. This is my reflection on that time.

It began as one would expect; it started with us trying to find available times in our schedules. aka this is me trying to figure out what her schedule is. This was difficult because her co-residents knew her schedule better than she did! (Note: She continues to not fully understand how her schedule works)

I quickly learned about the Pokemon-colored teams and how "Golden Weekends" are just normal weekends.

In the first year (intern year), much of our time together was spent in two ways: Driving to/from the hospital and her writing notes while I did whatever I did. It seemed like intern year was 90% notes working ridiculous hours. The start of every rotation seemed like the first day at school or work with a sea of unknowns. As someone who doesn't get much anxiety, I can only try to empathize with how Vivian felt. For Vivian, "intern" year was more like 1.5 years since she was med-peds.

Just like going to college or getting a new job, groups of friends start forming. I'm not one to remember moments clearly, but I remember Vivian sincerely stating that she really hopes to get to know Ann and Lindsay much better (sorry Sam!); this was my first glimpse of how genuine she is.

Fortunately, Vivan had an amazing program that welcomed me effortlessly; they took me in even when Vivian had to work at the hospital! This convinced me that people in med-peds have the kindest souls (and the opinion continues to hold today).

Year 2. It was a shock that no one expected. March 2020 was supposed to be the start of an elective month that Vivian was looking forward to, Women's Health; instead, she was put into infectious disease (ID) at the start of the COVID-19 pandemic. It literally sent our lives from 0 to 100 in just moments. I thought it was ridiculous, and I was upset that something like this happened to her while other residents who were on the "harder" rotations were getting one week on/one week off. I'm not sure what was going through her head, but she didn't complain, probably due to getting mentally prepared for her shifts and not having time to complain. In fact, she volunteered at the make-shift COVID site at a local hotel on her off days.

I'm not sure if I would have understood the seriousness of COVID-19 so early in the pandemic without being so close to Vivian's experience, including the process of returning home by removing all the scrubs before entering the apartment and immediately running to the shower. The residue from entire shifts of wearing multiple masks was obvious at first, but it quickly became the norm.

To this day, I cannot begin to comprehend what Vivian has experienced. Residency was difficult enough before COVID-19, but the pandemic must have turned up the intensity. It was heartwrenching to hear how fathers couldn't be with their newborn baby at the hospital or how families had to try to time their one-and-only visit with their family member who may pass away at any moment.

Year 3-4. Imposter syndrome was real (and still continues). But I saw glimpses of real confidence from Vivian. The challenges differ from years previous. It is more about managing the interns and setting proper expectations. I'm not surprised when co-residents say Vivian has been their favorite senior. 

It was strange that a large portion of the group from the years previously have moved on to be attending physicians and fellowships, while Vivian moved on to Year 4. 

The residency experience was interesting. So many thoughts. Vivian has grown tremendously from the experience and requires residents to flex various skill sets throughout the program, particularly communicating with diverse personalities (whether with co-workers or patients and their families). Bonds were formed and strengthened through trauma and challenges.

While the COVID pandemic was difficult, the past four years have flown by. Vivian and I have been so fortunate to have amazing family and friends to support us. We would not be here without you.